How are you mommy? Are you happy right now?
Isn’t it wonderful to hear that somebody cares to ask how we are, mommies? Such message of concern makes us feel that we are not alone and that somebody’s ready to listen to our predicaments and of course, the never-ending story about our little humans.
It’s easy to touch base with our mom friends through social media with whom to open up about our vulnerabilities. (We’re supermoms, yes, but superheroes get tired, too.) Above all these people, who’s the primary person who we expect to check on us and be concerned about us the most? Isn’t it our husband or partner?
At one point in your life, have you ever been bothered by the thought that your husband’s affection to you changed ever since you had a child? Have you compared how he showered you with praises and admiration when you were still bf/gf and how he shows little to no appreciation to you now? Have you felt that all his sweetness and thoughtfulness faded and that he’s comfortable neglecting you and letting you do most of the parenting to your child? Have you ever felt that you’re no longer happily married? If your answer is NO, congratulations! Ikaw na ‘te! You may now click the exit button. This blog is not for you. hahaha
Serious na ulit. A few weeks ago, I reminded my husband that we’re about to reach our 96th month as a couple this coming November 3. He just replied “Happy Anniversary, Mommy.” without even looking at me. So I teased him saying, “Siguro kung hindi tayo kasal, matagal na tayong hiwalay.” I got his attention this time. He said “Bakit naman?” Confirmed. He’s a certified member of the #CluelessHusbandClub.
To all the questions above, I would have answered YES. But, that’s before I realized what happiness really means. Sabi ko nga kanina, if your answer to the questions above is NO, you’re lucky! You have a husband who still sees you the same way when he first laid his eyes on you. Happy wife, happy life ka for sure!
But even when your husband is no longer the same romantic guy when you were younger, your happiness didn’t cease — it just changes its form. It evolves at the same time your relationship progresses.
Let’s put it this way. What are the stages in a relationship where major adjustments happen?
- newly married
- new parents
- with school kid
The above list isn’t exclusive and may be in any order. The point is, how we define happiness may be different in each stage. What makes us happy depends on the circumstances at the moment.
- When you were just friends, mere company make you both happy.
- During courtship, perhaps hatid/sundo were the most kilig moments.
- Going on a date, traveling, or simply doing things you both love keep you head over heels with each other.
- Living together after getting married and being able to share the same bed, starting to build a family intensified the fire between you and your husband.
Let me stop there. The next stage, becoming new parents, is the turning point in a relationship. That’s when a lot of changes happen because another character comes into the picture. You and your husband, both without training, would assume responsibility of keeping a small human alive.
As a new mom, you spend most of your time nursing, pumping milk or feeding the baby. You skip meals, lack sleep or even shower less. You hardly find time for yourself, much less for your husband. Your world revolves around your child. No more date nights, movie nights or sexy time even, ‘cause you rather sleep than do anything else.
Have you asked yourself, whose behavior started to change in the first place? You or your husband? Most of the changes, whether you admit it or not, are attributable to us, moms. The husband only learned how to adjust and cope up with changes in your growing family.
So how do you find happiness in that situation? Observe your husband. Husbands definitely have odd parenting style, but it surely works to give the baby a fun experience. His ways of showing love and affection to your child may sometimes break your rules, but the important thing there is that your child is happy. Your child’s happiness and well-being, that’s your source of happiness then.
What you might want to look forward to is the stage in your relationship when your child reaches school age. Maybe around 3 or 4 years old. This time, communication with your child is no longer difficult and he or she could act independently by then. It’s easier to leave them to relatives or yaya, while you and the husband go on a date! Do the things you used to do before you got married to rekindle the fire in your relationship. For me, this is the stage in a relationship when “happy wife, happy life” really starts.
So mommy, kiss your husband tonight. He’s not a terrible dad after all. 😉
If you have the same experience or you’re open to share a different relationship story, please feel free to comment down below.